How to survive the holidays with family for LGBTQ folx
I’m a survivor!
The holiday season is supposed to be a time of celebration—a stretch of cozy evenings, sparkling holiday lights, and images of warmth we see in every commercial and movie. But for many LGBTQIA+ individuals, this time of year can bring a mix of excitement and anxiety. Between family gatherings, complicated family dynamics, and the bustle of the holidays, it’s easy to feel pulled in several directions. Especially when you’re managing it all without the support of trauma therapy or a trauma therapist in Kansas City, MO.
At gokc in Kansas City and Lee’s Summit, we know that members of the LGBTQ community often face unique challenges during this season. Whether you’re navigating uncomfortable situations, preparing for a family of origin visit, or finding ways to care for your mental well-being, setting healthy boundaries can go a long way toward making the holidays less stressful—and more genuine.
Why Boundaries Matter During the Holiday Season
Boundaries are not walls—they’re the quiet, steady fences that keep your peace intact while still allowing connection. For queer folks, they often mean protecting your authentic self from invasive questions, unsafe spaces, or negative reactions from specific family members.
The holiday time can bring back old habits and expectations. Maybe your aunt still doesn’t understand your gender identity, or an extended family member insists on asking intrusive questions at the dinner table. Having clear boundaries gives you the language and confidence to steer those moments toward healthier interactions.
When we talk about boundaries in therapy, we’re talking about self-preservation. It’s not about rejecting your family—it’s about respecting yourself.
Preparing Before Family Gatherings
Setting healthy boundaries starts long before the first phone call confirming who’s bringing the mashed potatoes. In trauma therapy, we often suggest dedicated time to plan and reflect before family events. Ask yourself:
Who in my family feels safe to be around?
Who tends to cross personal boundaries?
What kind of emotional energy do I have for this visit?
Sometimes, writing down your intentions for the holiday events can help. For example: “I want to spend time with my supportive family members and avoid conversations about my gender identity.”
It’s okay to prepare an exit plan or exit strategy—especially if you know certain moments may feel triggering. Let a trusted support person know you might need to leave early or step away. A text to your best friend, a quick walk outside, or even a good book tucked in your bag can all help you stay grounded.
Communicating Boundaries with Family Members
Before the festive season starts, consider having some honest conversations with your family of origin. These talks don’t need to be heavy or dramatic. Something as simple as, “I’d appreciate it if we avoided talking about my dating life at the dinner table,” is often enough to set the tone.
If you’re dreading difficult conversations, remember that you don’t have to go it alone. You can role-play or practice in trauma therapy. A family therapist at gokc can help you identify phrases that feel natural to say and match your communication style.
Try to use open communication rather than confrontation. For example:
“I love spending time with everyone, but I’d prefer we keep the focus on the holiday rather than my gender identity.”
“It’s great to see you, but I’m not comfortable answering that.”
“I know you mean well, but those kinds of comments make me feel isolated.”
These small statements create healthier interactions while helping others learn how to engage with you respectfully. Sometimes it’s about setting one clear boundary and sticking to it.
Handling Uncomfortable or Unsafe Situations
Unfortunately, not every environment will be safe. Some families still struggle with acceptance, and that can make the time of year feel heavy. If you find yourself in unsafe spaces or around people who don’t respect your personal boundaries, having a plan helps.
Here are a few ways to navigate these moments:
Have a code word. Let a friend or partner know a specific word or phrase that signals you need to step out or need extra support.
Use your exit strategy. It might mean leaving early, taking a drive, or spending the night somewhere else.
Connect with social support. The Trevor Project and Folx Health both offer great resources and support systems for LGBTQ individuals, especially during difficult times.
Take breaks. If things feel tense, take alone time to recharge—step outside, listen to music, or text a friend who “gets it.”
It’s okay to walk away. Protecting your mental health care is not disrespectful—it’s survival and self-respect.
Reimagining the Holidays on Your Own Terms
The good news? You can celebrate the holidays your way. Many queer people are redefining what family and tradition look like. Maybe you’ve found a supportive family in your chosen circle—friends, partners, coworkers, or support groups who understand you.
You might host a Friendsgiving or a cozy movie night instead of a large family gathering. Spending time with your queer community can bring a sense of belonging that blood relatives sometimes can’t provide.
Queer couples and individuals in Kansas City often tell us that once they release the idea of a “perfect family holiday,” they find joy in smaller, more meaningful moments—decorating their own space, cooking favorite foods, or giving gifts that reflect personal growth and humor.
Whether you exchange a tube of mascara, new boxer briefs, or just laughter, those small gestures are powerful ways to affirm your authentic self.
Managing Holiday Blues and Societal Pressures
The holiday blues can sneak up on anyone, but queer folks often feel it more sharply due to societal pressures and feelings of isolation. Maybe you’re reminded of the past year and how much work you’ve done to be your authentic self, only to return home and feel unseen. Or perhaps the images of warmth surrounding the holidays feel out of sync with your reality.
This is where mental health care and community can make all the difference. Connecting with a therapist, joining a local LGBTQIA+ support group, or reaching out to your support person can help you process these emotions.
If being around family is too painful, that’s okay. Spend this time of the year focusing on what brings you peace—perhaps a quiet Christmas Eve walk under the holiday lights of Kansas City’s Country Club Plaza, or an afternoon journaling about what you want for the new year.
Healing doesn’t happen in one weekend—it’s an entire year of small, brave choices to show up for yourself.
Creating an Exit Plan (and Why It’s Okay to Use It)
Let’s talk about the exit plan. Even the most carefully planned visit can take a sudden left turn. Having a code word, a support person, and an exit strategy isn’t dramatic—it’s wise.
Maybe you arrange for a friend to give you a quick phone call halfway through dinner. Or you park your car somewhere easy to leave if needed. Sometimes, having a best friend or supportive family member check in with you can make all the difference.
Leaving doesn’t mean failure—it means honoring your boundaries when your best efforts aren’t enough to make others respect them. Remember, your emotional safety matters as much as anyone else’s comfort.
When Family Conversations Become Too Much
If you’ve ever found yourself sitting at the dinner table silently counting down minutes while enduring intrusive questions or invasive questions, you’re not alone. This happens to so many lgbtq individuals, especially young people still building confidence in their identities.
During sessions at gokc, our trauma therapists often coach clients to redirect conversations with humor or clarity. For example:
“That’s a little personal, Aunt Carol. How about those Chiefs?”
“I’d love to have a real conversation about that another time, but tonight’s for celebrating.”
“Let’s save that for after dessert when I’ve had more pie and patience.”
Even if humor doesn’t land, asserting your boundary is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your gender identities, relationships, or choices.
Practicing Self-Care and Recovery After Family Events
After any intense holiday events, take time to decompress. Maybe read a good book, journal about what worked and what didn’t, or schedule a therapy session. Personal growth often happens after the holidays—when you reflect on how you handled difficult conversations and what you want to do differently next year.
Some queer people find alone time after gatherings incredibly healing. Others reconnect with their support system—friends who validate them, online support groups, or members of the queer community who understand.
Even when it feels like hard work, the first step toward peace is recognizing what you need and honoring it.
The Role of Trauma Therapy During the Holidays
A trauma therapist at gokc can help you create clear boundaries, manage expectations, and practice ways to stay grounded during difficult times. We work with LGBTQIA+ clients across Kansas City and Lee’s Summit to develop tools for open dialogue with families of origin, as well as strategies to navigate holiday time with confidence.
Therapy provides extra support during these emotionally loaded months and can help you move into the new yearfeeling empowered rather than drained. Sometimes having a safe space to talk about your family dynamics, personal boundaries, or a negative reaction you experienced can provide clarity and relief.
If you’ve struggled with this time of year, you’re not alone. Reach out to gokc for compassionate, affirming trauma therapy that centers your voice and your experience.
FAQs About Setting Boundaries as LGBTQIA+ People During the Holidays
1. What’s the best way to set boundaries before visiting family?
Start with honesty and preparation. Communicate your needs early through a phone call or message, especially with supportive family members who can help set the tone. Practice what you want to say with a trauma therapist or trusted friend.
2. What if my family doesn’t respect my boundaries?
Even after your best efforts, some families of origin may not change their behavior. That’s when your exit plan comes in. Leave if you need to, reach out for social support, and remember—it’s not your job to educate everyone during the festive season.
3. How can I handle loneliness or the sense of isolation?
Stay connected with your queer community. Reach out to friends, attend local support groups, or volunteer for a cause like the Trevor Project. Spending time with people who understand your experience helps rebuild your sense of belonging.
4. How do I recover emotionally after the holidays?
Give yourself dedicated time to rest and reflect. Celebrate your personal growth over the past year, and focus on creating healthier interactions in the new year. Therapy, journaling, and connecting with your support system are all powerful steps.
5. What if I just don’t want to see my family this year?
That’s valid. You’re allowed to skip holiday events that don’t support your mental well-being. Sometimes, choosing peace and surrounding yourself with affirming people is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
Closing Thoughts
The holidays don’t have to be a test of endurance. They can be a great way to reconnect—with yourself, your values, and the people who truly see you. While families of origin may not always understand, there’s a growing queer community here in Kansas City and Lee’s Summit ready to welcome you with warmth, understanding, and open communication.
Boundaries are not about distance—they’re about love rooted in self-respect. This holiday season, may your boundaries be strong, your support system steady, and your sense of belonging shine brighter than the holiday lights themselves.
What If This Holiday Season Could Feel a Little Lighter with Trauma Therapy in Kansas City, MO?
If family gatherings stir up more stress than joy—or leave you questioning your worth—trauma therapy in Kansas City, MO can help you navigate it all with more clarity and care. At gokc, our affirming trauma therapists work with LGBTQIA+ clients to untangle family dynamics, process identity-based pain, and set boundaries that actually protect your peace. You don’t have to brace yourself for the season alone. Healing is possible, even during the holidays.
Meet our trauma-informed therapists
This year, your safety, voice, and well-being matter most. Let’s help you hold on to that.
Other Therapy Services Offered at gokc in Brookside, Kansas City, and throughout MO + Kansas
At gokc, we offer a range of services designed to promote healing and well-being, including helping you navigate trauma with Trauma Therapy in Kansas City, MO. Our services include DBT Treatment, Online Therapy, Therapy for Self-Esteem, and EMDR for Trauma Recovery. Additionally, we offer Art Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Nature Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing. Whether you're looking to address specific mental health issues or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, gokc can help you!
